I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
