Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
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On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
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You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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