If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
