wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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