Old men and throwing up are my life now.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize