just tell him i said nine months
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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