Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
