i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
