there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
