The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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