maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
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He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
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Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize