Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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