I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
