im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
