just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
