my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
