dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
