If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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