This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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