im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
