dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
