She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
