Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
