just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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