I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
