Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
