Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
