Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
