I molested 6 butterflies tonight
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
