There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
