Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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