I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
