so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
