I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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