Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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