Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
