When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
