he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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