so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
