Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
