What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize