This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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