i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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