I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Randomize
