What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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