i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
