I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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