and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
