Ambien. No doubt about it.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize