Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I skipped work to stalk him.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
