When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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