There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Randomize
