My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize