Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
