i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
