I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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