Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
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I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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