I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
