Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I enjoy the company of your penis
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
