Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
