how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
