is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
